My Thoughts As I Face Yet Another Death - A Friend

They seem to come in seasons. None for a long time and then back to back, or so it seems.
It's made me think about my own mortality. The uncertainty of not knowing when your time is up. No one knows when it comes. It just comes. If someone is sick, you know they will either get well, worse, or die. If they are sick, you can understand. . . accept, but when it just happens, it is more difficult.

With the last announcement, it makes me more appreciative of today because that is all we have. Tomorrow is just a hope we have but we really don't know. I can't imagine what my children will go through at the passing of their mother, or my husband. It's hard to think of not being here, seeing them, hugging them, being in their lives.

I can only that I wake tomorrow. But just in case, I never forget to say "I Love You" to my sons, grandsons, daughter-in-laws, granddaughters, to each that I speak to because that maybe what sustains them when I am no longer here.

I enjoy this journey now more than ever. I have lived. God has been my peace, my strength, my source of enthusiasm and desire to go on.  If you haven't gotten your house in order, if you haven't said what you wanted to a loved one, if you haven't forgiven someone, if you have aught against another, maybe it's time to RELEASE!

Death Makes No Announcement: Reverend Michael, Rest In Peace

Death makes no announcement, does it? One day you see your friend, or family member, and then the news comes that person’s spirit has departed the earth, the body is all that is left, but the life has left.

I was shocked at the news of another fallen comrade. Reverend Michael, as he is so lovingly called was my friend. I considered him one of my mountain people. He will be missed for his wisdom, Bible Teaching and love of people, his commitment to help others apply the word of God to their lives in a practical way.

There was an ache in my heart at his loss, but I tried not to allow it to prevent the working of my task for today.

I believe he has gone to a better place. . . Heaven. 

(I chose a Chicken Soup for the Soul Sympathy E-Card to express what I am feeling to the family and friends. Be blessed (click here).

Death Is Like A Car

by Nicholas Gordon

Death is like a car

That disappears around a curve,

Or like an ancient custom

That we've failed to preserve.

The car continues going

Even though we cannot see,

And the custom just remains

Itself, outside of memory.

Death is a relation

To a certain time and place;

To Eternity it's nothing

In a line of endless grace.

I've loved you all so much

That I've known Eternity,

Vast and never ending

Deep within the thing that's me.

Time is like a river

And love a clear, still lake

That holds the sky within it,

Crystalline and yet opaque.

And I have had that gift

In an abundance that is rare,

With you and with my husband

Who's both gone and everywhere.

I feel the awesome beauty

Of the end of earthly breath.

I've had a rich, full life

And now a peaceful, shining death.

Is there life after a death sentence? Read Frank’s Story.

Death Has Touched My Life Again

      The word came today that Alice was dead. She was a friend of a friend. I met her at a time when she desired to take a teaching she had been doing for years to another level, by publishing a book. I recall doing an evaluation for her. Her next step was to began to re-organize her ideas in preparation to go to print.  

You didn’t get a chance to publish your book, but those teachings will live on forever through those you have taught.

      Farewell, my friend, you will be missed. In the short time I had to meet you, I was impressed with your faith and abilities as a woman who cared enough about the spiritual condition of people to use what you had to help many grow in faith.You will be missed as a woman of faith. My heart is in grief but I know you are in the place you were destined to go. . . heaven.

Rest in Peace.

My Son, You Are Alive Yet My Heart Grieves

“A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother. Proverbs 10:1”

A son of mind is a source of grief. He was raised with values and the knowledge of right and wrong. I don’t know what happened. When they are young you have control but when they grow up they make decisions sometimes contrary to what you have taught.

At times I hear myself saying, “If he would only. . . “Nothing will change in his life until he decides to make the change. I grow weary but I hold on to the promises of God in the 23^rd Psalm: The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.

Today is the day you have made, Lord, though I struggle with this burden on my heart, help me to lay it at your feet once and for all. My mother once said, “When they are young they are on your lap and when they get older, they are on your heart.”

I never understood what she meant until I experienced it first hand. He is mine. Lord, help me to remember that he belonged to you first.

Son, I love you, and I won't stop praying for your new life.

Mom  

Sharing Some Thoughts On Grief

Is grief just something we feel when someone dies? There is a stinging of the heart. It is a feeling that brings on emotions that disturb our well being. It is the thunder and lightening before a storm. Thoughts stir our emotions like the movement of lightening in the sky.

Grief is having affections cut with a knife. Grief is shock, frozen in emotions, giving yourself a chance to dissect what has happened. It is a great refuge. Grief is like closed prison bars with the key in the door but you don’t open the door. Grief is like making a snowman in the winter cold that melts when it warms up.

Describing what we feel I believe helps us to accept and move through grief faster, but too often we find our cheerleaders are tolerant but want us to make it go away, pretend it’s over a lot sooner than we are ready to let go.

Can Dogs Grieve?

I asked myself this question a year ago when we loss Pete one of our three dogs at the time. Pete just couldn’t seem to grasp certain doggie concepts, like pee and crap outside. We would take him out but he thought that was time to run, jump and play, something his previous owner conditioned him to do.

What I liked about Pete, he was teaching the oldest member of the family Destiny how to run, jump, play with toys, to have fun. We thought that would never happen. They would spend hours romping around, a far cry from what she thought were her previous duties, which  was to guard my husband at his computer.

And one day Pete was no more. For the next couple of weeks I watched Destiny dealing with grief, pacing back and forth, looking in every room for Pete. She didn’t whine the loss but her wanderings spoke loud and clear that she missed her playmate. This went on for about a month, walking, and sniffing around, wondering where her friend was. By a month and a half she had bounced back to her old self again, back to guarding my husband at his computer.

There are steps to grief. Animals grieve differently than we do but what is noticeable is the change in their behavior.

Human emotions are much more complicated and some people grieve for many years. I met this lady who still wanted to die at the loss of her daughter. This had been awhile. Remembering her made me think of the Brown family and the murder that has plagued OJ Simpson. Years later they are still stuck in grief and it has turned to bitterness and anguish.

I can’t tell you if my Destiny was grieving her loss but her actions for a few weeks made us aware that she too suffered a loss.

Have you read the Story of Hope? Great story the courage of one dog facing a death sentence at www.print2publish.com.  

Light A Candle In Memory of Someone You Loss

My father’s birthday is coming up on September 26. He would have been 84 years old.

There won’t be a birthday party, no phone calls, no visits this year. All I have are the memories that we shared in his last years.

I thought about his worm farm, and the dogs he raised to sell, and his garden filled with all types of leafy veggies, water melon, squash and corn. He loved to garden and in that regard I am a lot like him.

My father was an entrepreneur in many ways, not on a large scale but he used what he had, what he knew, and turned it into some type profit, even in his retirement years.

As I walked by the mantle today, I gazed upon his smiling face. Standing side by side I could see the resemblance in my face.

So today, absent my dad to talk to I thought I would light a candle in his memory, tell his story online to encourage others in what they are going through.

Maybe you want to light a candle for your loved one.

The Sting of Death Will Fade (Two Tips To Uplift Your Spirit)

In the past people I have cared for deeply died and I denied myself the closure so that I could keep them forever alive in my memory, rather than see them in that still form face up in a box. I’ve grown pass that stage. We can’t prevent people we love from dying. It is a fact. Many things can be controlled and prolonged in our lives but death, no one knows the hour.

The sting of death will fade but in the meantime here are some ways I have found to help me to get through. Journaling can help. Writing down those thoughts, whether painful or pleasant. The journal is not judgmental. It doesn’t care how many entries you make. It’s job is to be a bridge between the sting of pain in your heart and your creator.

After all, who else can you tell this to? He hears even in the penning of your words; those thoughts that no one knows but you, he knows.

Another way I found to ease the pain as the months went by, to gaze at pictures of family, including the one loss. Just seems to bring a smile, even though they are not here. Picture memories have a way of lightening our moods. The past and present reminding us that change comes right before our eyes.

The Sting of Death Will Fade. . . like the dew on the morning grass. Death is not the end, forever. No, death can be the beginning of something even more beautiful.

Want to know more about death and dying? Visit www.allaboutlifechallenges.org.

Someone has Died- Choose Your Words Carefully

Need help in how to meet and greet the family of someone who has died? I use to feel awkward and didn’t want to visit the grieving family because I didn’t know what to say and felt like I would say something that would make what they were going through worst. Thanks, Jitske, for your input.

How To Create Memorial Cards

By Jitske Memoli

All of us are going to die in the future. Death is a fact of life that can not be changed. I know that accepting this truth can be scary and difficult to many people, but there is no way to go around it. The least we can do right now is to live our life to the fullest and enjoy every second of our existence here on Earth with the people we love and care.

When a person close to you dies, it usually feels like you are being dragged down and beaten up by some gang or mob. The pain is overwhelming and oftentimes, you just want to be alone and cry your heart out. You find it hard to face your friends and family because you are just plain clueless about what to do next.

When things like that happen, the people around you are often confused whether to comfort you, send you memorial cards, or talk to you. Many of them become uncomfortable with the situation because they do not want to say something offensive that can further add to your sorrow. Everybody seems to be on their toes during these times.

Remember to be polite and courteous when talking to them. Choose your words carefully because people in this state are delicate and vulnerable. If you are not sure about your conversational skills, writing them a memorial card would suffice. Use encouraging words so that they would see that they are being loved and cared for. Somebody who is sad and distressed because of the death of a special person is not easy to cheer up, but trying to at least calm them down and brighten them up is a thoughtful gesture. You would know this once you find yourself in the same situation in the future.

Experts advise that it is important that you show your support to the people who are mourning. You could pay them a visit on funeral day, write memorial cards, and just be there when they need you. People in grief need all the support system they could get, and it is essential that you are always ready to be on call.

Want to find out more about Memorial Cards, then visit Jitske Memoli's site on how to create a memolio album in a matter of minutes as one of the good ways to make Memorial Cards.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jitske_Memoli

Comment: It is interesting how everyone is there when the death first takes place, offering to help in any way they can but once the burial happens everyone goes back to their lives and the person is left alone. Memorial cards could be a way to show that ongoing support for a little longer.

Need to be encouraged or uplifted? Visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

Remembering My Dad

As I walked by the mantle my eyes fell on my dad who is no longer on earth. He has passed on. It is a picture with the two of us hugged up together.

I miss him, though we spent little time together, though in the later years of his life he re-connected
with the little girl he once abandoned. He was still my father. And those last days we shared meant so much to me.

I’m glad I had the opportunity to visit and take those pictures. I could put them away but I don’t. Every now and then when it catches my eye, I smile and say, “Daddy, I miss you.”

When he was alive I didn’t call him regularly. I let too much time lapse. I should have taken more advantage of his living days but I didn’t. I don’t regret it. In looking back in hindsight and forward, at least when he was alive I had a choice but now what I have is his memories that make me smile when I look upon his face.

Thank you, God for allowing me those latter years, for allowing my heart to forgive and to make the best of one weekend in the time of our lives on earth.

If your daddy is alive, keep in touch, because one day he won’t be here. We take those in our lives sometimes for granted. . . Don’t!

More people stories at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

Facing the Bereaved: Saying All the Wrong Words!

How many times have you found yourself greeting the family of someone who has died not knowing what to say? Whatever you said, you realized later that it probably wasn’t the right thing. I don’t know if anyone has come up with a book with the right words to say to avoid that foolish feeling.

Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:

“It’s going to be all right.”

“God knows what’s best.”

“You’ve got to move on with your life.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Your daddy was a good man.”

“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”

“You’ll have another child.”

“Don’t Cry.”

“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”

“He’s better off.”

“She’s better off.”

“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”

“God needed them home, so let’em go.”

“What can I do for you?”

“If you need anything, let me know.”

Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.

So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.


Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

Don't Rush It! Grieving a Loved One Is A Process!

Death is sometimes sudden or the outcome of a long term illness. For me sudden death has been the hardest to deal with. If there is a long term illness I find I am better prepared and seem to move through faster. We all are different. Emilie offers some eye opening insight to help navigate the journey.

Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren

When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.

Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.

First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.

By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.

It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.

Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.

Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.

Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.

In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.

With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren

Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.

Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.

Getting Over the Pain of Losing A Daughter

I met a lady who lost her daughter two years ago. I listened to her pain. She is a woman who worshiped her daughter, idolized one child out of 10. I had learned she had other children, younger but the one she had lost was causing her much pain.

This is a woman who is a mover and shaker in her community. She has a heart for the young and old, yet she found nothing to shake her out of her pain, to shine the light in her heart again.

I reflected on her other children and how they too were very much like her, movers and shakers. I wondered why this daughter was so special. Was it because she was her first daughter? The one who had been through thick and thin with, who had helped her to rear the other children when there was no father around? This daughter had replaced something in her life and it was draining the life out of her.

The other day she called me and she said, “I’m ready to live.” I said, “Good.” She said, “I realize that I have my other children (adults and grands) that I have neglected in my grief.”

That was good news to my ears. As I thought of the good news I glimpsed into how she might have come to this place in her life. I recalled the stories of how her children were everything to her. This is a woman that had sacrificed much for her children. At times not allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life but intervening even in their adult lives to save them at her expense.

This daughter had been like a husband, a helpmeet to her, raising the other children while mama worked, every one depended on her, including her but God was ready for her to come home.

Soon the pain will subside, the light will shine brighter, the memories will not sting so much and instead of seeing death as the end, it will be a new beginning. Until then I will continue to pray that she will stay connected to the living and enjoy the moments she has with her other family.

God has promised those who accept his plan and new life through his Son that there will be a future with him. Without hope there is no life.

Read more real stories real people at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

The Legacy of My Dead Uncle

His journey is over here on earth. He has fought the good fight.
Even the wheel chair didn’t diminish his strong presence.
A strength I saw and admired as a child.

I was always drawn to Uncle Sonny Boy, as I called him.
He had this way of smiling at you, even when you were mischievous; you didn’t know whether he was pleased or about to beat you.

Whenever he would come to visit at grandma’s house I never saw him without his smile.
I say “his smile” because no one smiled like him. He always seemed to enjoy those brief moments we had together: the hugs and say a few words to his nieces and nephew.

The best part of those visits: Him giving us change for change to buy cookies or candy. He was always generous, loving and kind…yet didn’t play.
Yeah, those were memorable moments.

As I searched my memories of him, it was always a pillar of strength.
And lots and lots of children. At least when you are nine, everything seems huge.
I remember him doing hard work. Even his struggles never changed that smile. And there were times I sensed there were troubles.It never diminished his strength.

As I have observed his life from girlhood to womanhood, there is no greater gift Uncle Sonny could have given then this: Watching his marriage, him learning, growing and changing gave me hope for my marriage. Commit and don’t quit on the ones you love, even when it gets rocky show love without using words.

Develop an attitude of gratitude.Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Radiate your environment with the light of love and peace towards all
So many great lessons from just observation year after year.

I will miss his smile. I will miss his presence radiating the light of love and peace.

Uncle Sonny, your life has not been in vain, I have been touched and inspired by your walk, your presence.

Sleep until we meet again.

With Love,

Your niece Blondie

God, There Are Too Many People Dying

Death continues to happen around me. I use to be afraid of death until I found out the secret to not being afraid, or why I was really afraid. People are always afraid when they don’t know something, when they are uncertain about something, it is fearful.

I feel for people who lose a loved one, even if they are not my relatives. But I know death is inevitable. We are all going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when and how. I hope to live a very long time. My mother is 81; my father died when he was about 83.

A friend just loss his mother. It was tough. He had some hard decisions to make and he was struggling. I am always amazed how quick hospitals are ready to take a life. All of these modern advances and only people with money can extend their lives. It seems so unfair, but that is the country we live in and the greed that has taken root in our country.

Finally, moving through our pastor’s death. Felt a little angry because his health was in his hands but he made some decisions that were contrary to improving his lifestyle.

God, there are too many people dying prematurely because they won’t take care of their health.

My friend is rising above her grief. Some do it faster and others it takes a little longer. I’ve filled some gaps to give her the opportunity to work through her grief. A lesson I have learned that I will pass on. At first when a person dies, everyone is in and out. They need you afterward, so make time to drop by and visit. Do whatever you feel like doing for them because they won’t know what you can do for them.

Have patience in their moments of crying, frustration, reality. Sometimes a hug, or an ear is all that is needed. Don’t smother them. They won’t like that.

Buy little cards and small gifts for them just to let them know you care.

Read how I died to the past and was reborn in There In The Midst at www.print2publish.com book store.