As I walked by the mantle my eyes fell on my dad who is no longer on earth. He has passed on. It is a picture with the two of us hugged up together.
I miss him, though we spent little time together, though in the later years of his life he re-connected
with the little girl he once abandoned. He was still my father. And those last days we shared meant so much to me.
I’m glad I had the opportunity to visit and take those pictures. I could put them away but I don’t. Every now and then when it catches my eye, I smile and say, “Daddy, I miss you.”
When he was alive I didn’t call him regularly. I let too much time lapse. I should have taken more advantage of his living days but I didn’t. I don’t regret it. In looking back in hindsight and forward, at least when he was alive I had a choice but now what I have is his memories that make me smile when I look upon his face.
Thank you, God for allowing me those latter years, for allowing my heart to forgive and to make the best of one weekend in the time of our lives on earth.
If your daddy is alive, keep in touch, because one day he won’t be here. We take those in our lives sometimes for granted. . . Don’t!
More people stories at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Facing the Bereaved: Saying All the Wrong Words!
How many times have you found yourself greeting the family of someone who has died not knowing what to say? Whatever you said, you realized later that it probably wasn’t the right thing. I don’t know if anyone has come up with a book with the right words to say to avoid that foolish feeling.
Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:
“It’s going to be all right.”
“God knows what’s best.”
“You’ve got to move on with your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Your daddy was a good man.”
“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”
“You’ll have another child.”
“Don’t Cry.”
“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”
“He’s better off.”
“She’s better off.”
“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”
“God needed them home, so let’em go.”
“What can I do for you?”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.
So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.
Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:
“It’s going to be all right.”
“God knows what’s best.”
“You’ve got to move on with your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Your daddy was a good man.”
“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”
“You’ll have another child.”
“Don’t Cry.”
“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”
“He’s better off.”
“She’s better off.”
“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”
“God needed them home, so let’em go.”
“What can I do for you?”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.
So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.
Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Don't Rush It! Grieving a Loved One Is A Process!
Death is sometimes sudden or the outcome of a long term illness. For me sudden death has been the hardest to deal with. If there is a long term illness I find I am better prepared and seem to move through faster. We all are different. Emilie offers some eye opening insight to help navigate the journey.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Getting Over the Pain of Losing A Daughter
I met a lady who lost her daughter two years ago. I listened to her pain. She is a woman who worshiped her daughter, idolized one child out of 10. I had learned she had other children, younger but the one she had lost was causing her much pain.
This is a woman who is a mover and shaker in her community. She has a heart for the young and old, yet she found nothing to shake her out of her pain, to shine the light in her heart again.
I reflected on her other children and how they too were very much like her, movers and shakers. I wondered why this daughter was so special. Was it because she was her first daughter? The one who had been through thick and thin with, who had helped her to rear the other children when there was no father around? This daughter had replaced something in her life and it was draining the life out of her.
The other day she called me and she said, “I’m ready to live.” I said, “Good.” She said, “I realize that I have my other children (adults and grands) that I have neglected in my grief.”
That was good news to my ears. As I thought of the good news I glimpsed into how she might have come to this place in her life. I recalled the stories of how her children were everything to her. This is a woman that had sacrificed much for her children. At times not allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life but intervening even in their adult lives to save them at her expense.
This daughter had been like a husband, a helpmeet to her, raising the other children while mama worked, every one depended on her, including her but God was ready for her to come home.
Soon the pain will subside, the light will shine brighter, the memories will not sting so much and instead of seeing death as the end, it will be a new beginning. Until then I will continue to pray that she will stay connected to the living and enjoy the moments she has with her other family.
God has promised those who accept his plan and new life through his Son that there will be a future with him. Without hope there is no life.
Read more real stories real people at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
This is a woman who is a mover and shaker in her community. She has a heart for the young and old, yet she found nothing to shake her out of her pain, to shine the light in her heart again.
I reflected on her other children and how they too were very much like her, movers and shakers. I wondered why this daughter was so special. Was it because she was her first daughter? The one who had been through thick and thin with, who had helped her to rear the other children when there was no father around? This daughter had replaced something in her life and it was draining the life out of her.
The other day she called me and she said, “I’m ready to live.” I said, “Good.” She said, “I realize that I have my other children (adults and grands) that I have neglected in my grief.”
That was good news to my ears. As I thought of the good news I glimpsed into how she might have come to this place in her life. I recalled the stories of how her children were everything to her. This is a woman that had sacrificed much for her children. At times not allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life but intervening even in their adult lives to save them at her expense.
This daughter had been like a husband, a helpmeet to her, raising the other children while mama worked, every one depended on her, including her but God was ready for her to come home.
Soon the pain will subside, the light will shine brighter, the memories will not sting so much and instead of seeing death as the end, it will be a new beginning. Until then I will continue to pray that she will stay connected to the living and enjoy the moments she has with her other family.
God has promised those who accept his plan and new life through his Son that there will be a future with him. Without hope there is no life.
Read more real stories real people at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
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