Survive Love Grief

by Molly Barrow

In everyone's life, there is the one love affair that in spite of giving all that you have to the relationship, your partner still breaks your heart. The sharp jab to your belly and excruciating pain of abandonment is unique in its ability to incapacitate you and make you do regrettable blunders. The desperate attempts to save what you alone believe is a relationship worth saving produces humiliating encounters with your ex-love that hurt you even more. If your beloved happily moves on to a new love, you are left alone to wither and cry without the benefit of your lovers healing embrace. What can you possibly do to feel better? Here are five techniques to help you survive love grief.

1. Keep the Love

You do not have to stop loving someone just because you do not see your partner any more. Even if the relationship is over, the time you spent together will always be a part of your life. The good quality love that you gave was a beautiful part of you and you can keep warm memories of the good times for the rest of your life - even if he or she acted badly. The worst pain is trying to force yourself to stop loving someone before you are ready to let go. So, don't.

2. Stop Trying to Control

You cannot control what someone else feels or does in the relationship. You can control the kind of partner that you select, and how much you are willing to sacrifice for that partner. The more obsessive and controlling you are in a dying relationship, the longer you will cling to the crumbs that someone tosses you. Sometimes you have to take some humiliating moments as you wrestle with letting go. Sometimes a clean break can be very harsh if you have isolated yourself from your friends. No one should take verbal or physical abuse in the name of love, but sometimes you have to stay longer than you should, just to begin to restructure your life.

3. What Are the Odds

Can you meet someone in high school, marry and stay together forever? You can, but it happens rarely these days. You have probably broken it off with other people in the past that you had grown tired of and perhaps, they suffered. You may have felt badly about hurting them, but you were over them and moved on. The difference here is only who walked away first. Most relationships fail, until you find the Right One.

4. Better to Have Loved

When you are ninety years old, would you want to say you played it safe and never took the risk of getting hurt? You have known love. That is a success in life. It does not matter if you were treated rudely, had your heart walked on or someone cheated on you. That is a story about them, not you. You loved and no matter how it ended, be proud that you are capable of caring.

5. It Only Hurts For a Long Time

If you have truly loved someone with all your heart and lost before, then you know it may take six months to a year to recover from the grief. If it is your first broken heart, it may seem like the pain will never end. However, it will. Go to a therapist as soon as you break up and make it easier on yourself for the first month or two. Everyday you go through the motions and after several months, you realize that you forgot the pain for a little while. At that moment, you will realize that you will survive this broken heart and learn to love again.

Dr. Molly Barrow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychology, http://www.drmollybarrow.com, American Psychological Association, is host of The Dr. Molly Barrow Show on Progressive Radio Network, author of Matchlines for Singles, Matchlines Relationship Quiz, Malia & Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia & Teacup Out on a Limb, http://www.maliaandteacup.com and quoted in O, The Oprah Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, New York Times, CNN.com, Match.com and has appeared in films and television news.

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