What a challenging moment. We don’t love to lose. We never think about dying, yet it happens. Is it possible to accept the change and go on with your life? Susan did it and so can you.
Get Up, Get Dressed, Get Out - The Power of a Woman to Create a New Life After Widowhood
By Susan Beer
Get up. Get dressed. Get out. Yes! It's hard. Your husband, or significant other, someone you cared deeply about, has passed. You are alone. You want to waddle in your sadness, in your coulda, woulda, shouldas, in what was and is no more. People listened to your woe is me, they sympathized in the beginning, maybe the first month, maybe longer but... now it is time to realize you are your own "I am" and focus on yourself. No one else will.
I know how it is, how it feels. Been there, done that. I described it as hell on wheels in the beginning and seeming non-ending. The wheels just continued to turn. I felt lost and hurt and wondered will it ever end, when will it end and, most important, who was I now. As time advanced, though, I realized I was changing, I was healing. I was accepting both his passing and my new life as a single woman again. Was there any other choice? No! None. It was simply my reality.
But, I was blessed and I knew it. When my husband passed, he left me with the words, "I want to be with you but I can't. Move on Without Me." He encouraged me to live, to start a new life. His life had ended, mine had not, and I had a lot more to do. Sharing what I had learned was the first step... and much thanks to his love.
His encouragement began my evolution and maybe my revolution. It was definitely the original catalyst. But, it was me that did it. I lived and learned... and particularly to focus on all the good, how much I had gained from being married to him. I remembered to remember. If I had a regret - and I had many -, I learned to treat it as a learning experience. I would have that honeymoon next time! I would go on that trip, buy that property I loved. I learned that people changed, friendship changed and to accept. Life was ever-changing. I was changing. I would do and be me.
A new me did emerge and continues daily to do so. I give thanks every day for him, for my wonderful remembrances, for who I was, for who I am now, and for who I am becoming. If I can do it, you can too!
Susan C. Beer - "Move on Without Me," Susan's first novel was published June 22, 2010 by Hatherleigh Press with distribution by Random House. Rather than focusing on woe is me after her husband's passing, Susan focuses on all she has gained and remembers to remember her many blessings. It's all about the power of thinking positively. As a psychologist friend said, "it is a testament to Andrew, to the life that you both shared, to living and loving and to all of us that we continue to grow, that we continue to open doors and that we need to face adversity with courage and grace...that pain hurts but can also be our friend if we are not afraid to face the challenges and pain of loss and move on." http://www.moveonwithoutme.com, scb@moveonwithoutme.com
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