Grief Has Many Faces

Today my thoughts are on the many faces of grief. This emotion that takes control, casts you down into a pit, stomps on you, steals your joy, fills you with anguish, rides your back like a Gorilla, clutters your mind with fear, doubts and hopelessness

Is death the only time in my life where I have felt these feelings? What about you? Does any of this read familiar to you? I think that we stock up our grief in little piles within and never let go. Why do we hold on? Let me speak for me: because I wanted to preserve it, without even realizing it. Why would you want to keep grief locked up inside? Maybe it’s fear of the loss of something you have felt safe with, or the fear of being vulnerable.

What are my piles that I’ve stacked up? The separation and abandonment of both parents at 7 years old; losing my grandmother as the next caregiver in line to care for me in the absence of my parents. I grieved the loss of my innocence for over 30 years, the violations that stole my purity.

There, I’ve said it. It’s out. These were my grief piles that I had forgotten about. Locked them away and never wanted to re-visit them again.

What are you grieving? Perhaps you are struggling with grief and through my sharing, you might identify your piled up grief moments that you have never let go of. Maybe it’s time to address them, so that you can be free, so you can move on.

You can still find joy in the midst of the challenges of life. The Joni Eareckson Tada Story (click here)

Someone has Died- Choose Your Words Carefully

Need help in how to meet and greet the family of someone who has died? I use to feel awkward and didn’t want to visit the grieving family because I didn’t know what to say and felt like I would say something that would make what they were going through worst. Thanks, Jitske, for your input.

How To Create Memorial Cards

By Jitske Memoli

All of us are going to die in the future. Death is a fact of life that can not be changed. I know that accepting this truth can be scary and difficult to many people, but there is no way to go around it. The least we can do right now is to live our life to the fullest and enjoy every second of our existence here on Earth with the people we love and care.

When a person close to you dies, it usually feels like you are being dragged down and beaten up by some gang or mob. The pain is overwhelming and oftentimes, you just want to be alone and cry your heart out. You find it hard to face your friends and family because you are just plain clueless about what to do next.

When things like that happen, the people around you are often confused whether to comfort you, send you memorial cards, or talk to you. Many of them become uncomfortable with the situation because they do not want to say something offensive that can further add to your sorrow. Everybody seems to be on their toes during these times.

Remember to be polite and courteous when talking to them. Choose your words carefully because people in this state are delicate and vulnerable. If you are not sure about your conversational skills, writing them a memorial card would suffice. Use encouraging words so that they would see that they are being loved and cared for. Somebody who is sad and distressed because of the death of a special person is not easy to cheer up, but trying to at least calm them down and brighten them up is a thoughtful gesture. You would know this once you find yourself in the same situation in the future.

Experts advise that it is important that you show your support to the people who are mourning. You could pay them a visit on funeral day, write memorial cards, and just be there when they need you. People in grief need all the support system they could get, and it is essential that you are always ready to be on call.

Want to find out more about Memorial Cards, then visit Jitske Memoli's site on how to create a memolio album in a matter of minutes as one of the good ways to make Memorial Cards.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jitske_Memoli

Comment: It is interesting how everyone is there when the death first takes place, offering to help in any way they can but once the burial happens everyone goes back to their lives and the person is left alone. Memorial cards could be a way to show that ongoing support for a little longer.

Need to be encouraged or uplifted? Visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

Facing the Bereaved: Saying All the Wrong Words!

How many times have you found yourself greeting the family of someone who has died not knowing what to say? Whatever you said, you realized later that it probably wasn’t the right thing. I don’t know if anyone has come up with a book with the right words to say to avoid that foolish feeling.

Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:

“It’s going to be all right.”

“God knows what’s best.”

“You’ve got to move on with your life.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Your daddy was a good man.”

“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”

“You’ll have another child.”

“Don’t Cry.”

“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”

“He’s better off.”

“She’s better off.”

“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”

“God needed them home, so let’em go.”

“What can I do for you?”

“If you need anything, let me know.”

Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.

So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.


Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com

Don't Rush It! Grieving a Loved One Is A Process!

Death is sometimes sudden or the outcome of a long term illness. For me sudden death has been the hardest to deal with. If there is a long term illness I find I am better prepared and seem to move through faster. We all are different. Emilie offers some eye opening insight to help navigate the journey.

Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren

When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.

Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.

First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.

By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.

It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.

Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.

Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.

Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.

In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.

With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.

Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren

Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.

Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.