How many times have you found yourself greeting the family of someone who has died not knowing what to say? Whatever you said, you realized later that it probably wasn’t the right thing. I don’t know if anyone has come up with a book with the right words to say to avoid that foolish feeling.
Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:
“It’s going to be all right.”
“God knows what’s best.”
“You’ve got to move on with your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Your daddy was a good man.”
“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”
“You’ll have another child.”
“Don’t Cry.”
“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”
“He’s better off.”
“She’s better off.”
“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”
“God needed them home, so let’em go.”
“What can I do for you?”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.
So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.
Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label afraid of dying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label afraid of dying. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Don't Rush It! Grieving a Loved One Is A Process!
Death is sometimes sudden or the outcome of a long term illness. For me sudden death has been the hardest to deal with. If there is a long term illness I find I am better prepared and seem to move through faster. We all are different. Emilie offers some eye opening insight to help navigate the journey.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
God, There Are Too Many People Dying
Death continues to happen around me. I use to be afraid of death until I found out the secret to not being afraid, or why I was really afraid. People are always afraid when they don’t know something, when they are uncertain about something, it is fearful.
I feel for people who lose a loved one, even if they are not my relatives. But I know death is inevitable. We are all going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when and how. I hope to live a very long time. My mother is 81; my father died when he was about 83.
A friend just loss his mother. It was tough. He had some hard decisions to make and he was struggling. I am always amazed how quick hospitals are ready to take a life. All of these modern advances and only people with money can extend their lives. It seems so unfair, but that is the country we live in and the greed that has taken root in our country.
Finally, moving through our pastor’s death. Felt a little angry because his health was in his hands but he made some decisions that were contrary to improving his lifestyle.
God, there are too many people dying prematurely because they won’t take care of their health.
My friend is rising above her grief. Some do it faster and others it takes a little longer. I’ve filled some gaps to give her the opportunity to work through her grief. A lesson I have learned that I will pass on. At first when a person dies, everyone is in and out. They need you afterward, so make time to drop by and visit. Do whatever you feel like doing for them because they won’t know what you can do for them.
Have patience in their moments of crying, frustration, reality. Sometimes a hug, or an ear is all that is needed. Don’t smother them. They won’t like that.
Buy little cards and small gifts for them just to let them know you care.
Read how I died to the past and was reborn in There In The Midst at www.print2publish.com book store.
I feel for people who lose a loved one, even if they are not my relatives. But I know death is inevitable. We are all going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when and how. I hope to live a very long time. My mother is 81; my father died when he was about 83.
A friend just loss his mother. It was tough. He had some hard decisions to make and he was struggling. I am always amazed how quick hospitals are ready to take a life. All of these modern advances and only people with money can extend their lives. It seems so unfair, but that is the country we live in and the greed that has taken root in our country.
Finally, moving through our pastor’s death. Felt a little angry because his health was in his hands but he made some decisions that were contrary to improving his lifestyle.
God, there are too many people dying prematurely because they won’t take care of their health.
My friend is rising above her grief. Some do it faster and others it takes a little longer. I’ve filled some gaps to give her the opportunity to work through her grief. A lesson I have learned that I will pass on. At first when a person dies, everyone is in and out. They need you afterward, so make time to drop by and visit. Do whatever you feel like doing for them because they won’t know what you can do for them.
Have patience in their moments of crying, frustration, reality. Sometimes a hug, or an ear is all that is needed. Don’t smother them. They won’t like that.
Buy little cards and small gifts for them just to let them know you care.
Read how I died to the past and was reborn in There In The Midst at www.print2publish.com book store.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
