As I walked by the mantle my eyes fell on my dad who is no longer on earth. He has passed on. It is a picture with the two of us hugged up together.
I miss him, though we spent little time together, though in the later years of his life he re-connected
with the little girl he once abandoned. He was still my father. And those last days we shared meant so much to me.
I’m glad I had the opportunity to visit and take those pictures. I could put them away but I don’t. Every now and then when it catches my eye, I smile and say, “Daddy, I miss you.”
When he was alive I didn’t call him regularly. I let too much time lapse. I should have taken more advantage of his living days but I didn’t. I don’t regret it. In looking back in hindsight and forward, at least when he was alive I had a choice but now what I have is his memories that make me smile when I look upon his face.
Thank you, God for allowing me those latter years, for allowing my heart to forgive and to make the best of one weekend in the time of our lives on earth.
If your daddy is alive, keep in touch, because one day he won’t be here. We take those in our lives sometimes for granted. . . Don’t!
More people stories at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Facing the Bereaved: Saying All the Wrong Words!
How many times have you found yourself greeting the family of someone who has died not knowing what to say? Whatever you said, you realized later that it probably wasn’t the right thing. I don’t know if anyone has come up with a book with the right words to say to avoid that foolish feeling.
Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:
“It’s going to be all right.”
“God knows what’s best.”
“You’ve got to move on with your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Your daddy was a good man.”
“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”
“You’ll have another child.”
“Don’t Cry.”
“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”
“He’s better off.”
“She’s better off.”
“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”
“God needed them home, so let’em go.”
“What can I do for you?”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.
So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.
Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Here are some words you might have heard yourself saying, or someone saying to you at your moment of grief:
“It’s going to be all right.”
“God knows what’s best.”
“You’ve got to move on with your life.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Your daddy was a good man.”
“Your mama was a wonderful, caring human being.”
“You’ll have another child.”
“Don’t Cry.”
“It’s going to be rough, but you’re tough.”
“He’s better off.”
“She’s better off.”
“This has never happened to me. You poor dear.”
“God needed them home, so let’em go.”
“What can I do for you?”
“If you need anything, let me know.”
Is there anything on this list that would be okay to say in a situation of grief? The person grieving is in a fog, they hear and don’t hear, depending upon what is said. No matter what is said, they will be respectful because they realize you probably don’t know what to say.
So let’s start a list of what to say. What do you think? When I don’t know what to say, I hug in silence. I bring a gift and say “I love you.” And I plan to quietly keep in touch after all of the fanfare is over, everyone goes back to his or her place.
Read about other people’s lives at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Don't Rush It! Grieving a Loved One Is A Process!
Death is sometimes sudden or the outcome of a long term illness. For me sudden death has been the hardest to deal with. If there is a long term illness I find I am better prepared and seem to move through faster. We all are different. Emilie offers some eye opening insight to help navigate the journey.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Dealing With Death - Three Steps Towards Recovery From Grief and Loss
By Emilie Warren
When we die and we lose a loved one who was close to us, we need to understand that the past cannot be forgotten, but that there is a new different future for us. We will not be the same person as we were before our grief and loss. By understanding and dealing with death and by understanding the process of mourning, we can help overcome the burden of bereavement.
Here we outline three stages in bereavement and mourning. Knowing about these grieving steps can help us become used to a different life with a major relationship missing.
First, we need to understand the loss we have suffered rationally, in our head.
By understanding our loss in a rational way, we can move from a state of severe shock and grief into a more normal period of mourning and bereavement.
It can help to develop a story of what happened to the person you lost, thinking through what happened in the run up to the death in the hours, weeks or even years before, if there has been a lengthy illness. By understanding more about why or how a person has passed away, we know our process of mourning can be helped. This moves us away from simply focusing on the moment of death itself.
Secondly, we need to come to terms with our loss emotionally.
Once we begin to accept our loss rationally, we need to come to terms with our loss in our hearts. We do need to ensure we do not avoid reminders of our loss, as this process can help us bring acceptance. The very process of confronting what has upset us can bring about a lessening of the intensity of grief. This is not about forgetting, but about moving away from grief to a place where we can remember the happy memories of our loved one without intense pain.
Thirdly, we need to rediscover ourselves as a different person.
In simple terms, you are a different person without someone who has been very close to you. You may be uncertain how to describe yourself socially. For example, you can no longer necessarily say: "I am Sarah's husband" in a group of people who did not know him.
With time and support, you can discover a new identity for yourself. This is not an identity without the happy memories of your past, which can never be forgotten and will always be a part of you, but it is an identity which needs to work for your future. Discovering who you are again after someone close to you has died is an essential part of coping with your grief and loss.
Dr Emilie Warren has wide experience of helping people cope with grief and bereavement as well as their own fears around death and dying. She is an accomplished writer on the subject, hosting her own website, Dealing with Death. She has a Master's degree and a PhD from Cambridge University in England. She is also an ordained Christian minister. As well as her work with the human soul and spirit, she has a wide range of knowledge across secular psychological arenas. She discusses specific issues about understanding death and dealing with bereavement in her website.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emilie_Warren
Comment: Sometimes when we don’t have understanding of matters like grieving loss, we can complicate it by being hard on ourselves. If you know someone who has a loss due to death, perhaps this article can help you to understand what they are going through.
Encourage yourself today with other people’s stories, visit www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Getting Over the Pain of Losing A Daughter
I met a lady who lost her daughter two years ago. I listened to her pain. She is a woman who worshiped her daughter, idolized one child out of 10. I had learned she had other children, younger but the one she had lost was causing her much pain.
This is a woman who is a mover and shaker in her community. She has a heart for the young and old, yet she found nothing to shake her out of her pain, to shine the light in her heart again.
I reflected on her other children and how they too were very much like her, movers and shakers. I wondered why this daughter was so special. Was it because she was her first daughter? The one who had been through thick and thin with, who had helped her to rear the other children when there was no father around? This daughter had replaced something in her life and it was draining the life out of her.
The other day she called me and she said, “I’m ready to live.” I said, “Good.” She said, “I realize that I have my other children (adults and grands) that I have neglected in my grief.”
That was good news to my ears. As I thought of the good news I glimpsed into how she might have come to this place in her life. I recalled the stories of how her children were everything to her. This is a woman that had sacrificed much for her children. At times not allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life but intervening even in their adult lives to save them at her expense.
This daughter had been like a husband, a helpmeet to her, raising the other children while mama worked, every one depended on her, including her but God was ready for her to come home.
Soon the pain will subside, the light will shine brighter, the memories will not sting so much and instead of seeing death as the end, it will be a new beginning. Until then I will continue to pray that she will stay connected to the living and enjoy the moments she has with her other family.
God has promised those who accept his plan and new life through his Son that there will be a future with him. Without hope there is no life.
Read more real stories real people at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
This is a woman who is a mover and shaker in her community. She has a heart for the young and old, yet she found nothing to shake her out of her pain, to shine the light in her heart again.
I reflected on her other children and how they too were very much like her, movers and shakers. I wondered why this daughter was so special. Was it because she was her first daughter? The one who had been through thick and thin with, who had helped her to rear the other children when there was no father around? This daughter had replaced something in her life and it was draining the life out of her.
The other day she called me and she said, “I’m ready to live.” I said, “Good.” She said, “I realize that I have my other children (adults and grands) that I have neglected in my grief.”
That was good news to my ears. As I thought of the good news I glimpsed into how she might have come to this place in her life. I recalled the stories of how her children were everything to her. This is a woman that had sacrificed much for her children. At times not allowing them to learn the hard lessons of life but intervening even in their adult lives to save them at her expense.
This daughter had been like a husband, a helpmeet to her, raising the other children while mama worked, every one depended on her, including her but God was ready for her to come home.
Soon the pain will subside, the light will shine brighter, the memories will not sting so much and instead of seeing death as the end, it will be a new beginning. Until then I will continue to pray that she will stay connected to the living and enjoy the moments she has with her other family.
God has promised those who accept his plan and new life through his Son that there will be a future with him. Without hope there is no life.
Read more real stories real people at www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
Sunday, July 18, 2010
The Legacy of My Dead Uncle
His journey is over here on earth. He has fought the good fight.
Even the wheel chair didn’t diminish his strong presence.
A strength I saw and admired as a child.
I was always drawn to Uncle Sonny Boy, as I called him.
He had this way of smiling at you, even when you were mischievous; you didn’t know whether he was pleased or about to beat you.
Whenever he would come to visit at grandma’s house I never saw him without his smile.
I say “his smile” because no one smiled like him. He always seemed to enjoy those brief moments we had together: the hugs and say a few words to his nieces and nephew.
The best part of those visits: Him giving us change for change to buy cookies or candy. He was always generous, loving and kind…yet didn’t play.
Yeah, those were memorable moments.
As I searched my memories of him, it was always a pillar of strength.
And lots and lots of children. At least when you are nine, everything seems huge.
I remember him doing hard work. Even his struggles never changed that smile. And there were times I sensed there were troubles.It never diminished his strength.
As I have observed his life from girlhood to womanhood, there is no greater gift Uncle Sonny could have given then this: Watching his marriage, him learning, growing and changing gave me hope for my marriage. Commit and don’t quit on the ones you love, even when it gets rocky show love without using words.
Develop an attitude of gratitude.Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Radiate your environment with the light of love and peace towards all
So many great lessons from just observation year after year.
I will miss his smile. I will miss his presence radiating the light of love and peace.
Uncle Sonny, your life has not been in vain, I have been touched and inspired by your walk, your presence.
Sleep until we meet again.
With Love,
Your niece Blondie
Even the wheel chair didn’t diminish his strong presence.
A strength I saw and admired as a child.
I was always drawn to Uncle Sonny Boy, as I called him.
He had this way of smiling at you, even when you were mischievous; you didn’t know whether he was pleased or about to beat you.
Whenever he would come to visit at grandma’s house I never saw him without his smile.
I say “his smile” because no one smiled like him. He always seemed to enjoy those brief moments we had together: the hugs and say a few words to his nieces and nephew.
The best part of those visits: Him giving us change for change to buy cookies or candy. He was always generous, loving and kind…yet didn’t play.
Yeah, those were memorable moments.
As I searched my memories of him, it was always a pillar of strength.
And lots and lots of children. At least when you are nine, everything seems huge.
I remember him doing hard work. Even his struggles never changed that smile. And there were times I sensed there were troubles.It never diminished his strength.
As I have observed his life from girlhood to womanhood, there is no greater gift Uncle Sonny could have given then this: Watching his marriage, him learning, growing and changing gave me hope for my marriage. Commit and don’t quit on the ones you love, even when it gets rocky show love without using words.
Develop an attitude of gratitude.Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
Radiate your environment with the light of love and peace towards all
So many great lessons from just observation year after year.
I will miss his smile. I will miss his presence radiating the light of love and peace.
Uncle Sonny, your life has not been in vain, I have been touched and inspired by your walk, your presence.
Sleep until we meet again.
With Love,
Your niece Blondie
Saturday, July 10, 2010
God, There Are Too Many People Dying
Death continues to happen around me. I use to be afraid of death until I found out the secret to not being afraid, or why I was really afraid. People are always afraid when they don’t know something, when they are uncertain about something, it is fearful.
I feel for people who lose a loved one, even if they are not my relatives. But I know death is inevitable. We are all going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when and how. I hope to live a very long time. My mother is 81; my father died when he was about 83.
A friend just loss his mother. It was tough. He had some hard decisions to make and he was struggling. I am always amazed how quick hospitals are ready to take a life. All of these modern advances and only people with money can extend their lives. It seems so unfair, but that is the country we live in and the greed that has taken root in our country.
Finally, moving through our pastor’s death. Felt a little angry because his health was in his hands but he made some decisions that were contrary to improving his lifestyle.
God, there are too many people dying prematurely because they won’t take care of their health.
My friend is rising above her grief. Some do it faster and others it takes a little longer. I’ve filled some gaps to give her the opportunity to work through her grief. A lesson I have learned that I will pass on. At first when a person dies, everyone is in and out. They need you afterward, so make time to drop by and visit. Do whatever you feel like doing for them because they won’t know what you can do for them.
Have patience in their moments of crying, frustration, reality. Sometimes a hug, or an ear is all that is needed. Don’t smother them. They won’t like that.
Buy little cards and small gifts for them just to let them know you care.
Read how I died to the past and was reborn in There In The Midst at www.print2publish.com book store.
I feel for people who lose a loved one, even if they are not my relatives. But I know death is inevitable. We are all going to die one day, it’s just a matter of when and how. I hope to live a very long time. My mother is 81; my father died when he was about 83.
A friend just loss his mother. It was tough. He had some hard decisions to make and he was struggling. I am always amazed how quick hospitals are ready to take a life. All of these modern advances and only people with money can extend their lives. It seems so unfair, but that is the country we live in and the greed that has taken root in our country.
Finally, moving through our pastor’s death. Felt a little angry because his health was in his hands but he made some decisions that were contrary to improving his lifestyle.
God, there are too many people dying prematurely because they won’t take care of their health.
My friend is rising above her grief. Some do it faster and others it takes a little longer. I’ve filled some gaps to give her the opportunity to work through her grief. A lesson I have learned that I will pass on. At first when a person dies, everyone is in and out. They need you afterward, so make time to drop by and visit. Do whatever you feel like doing for them because they won’t know what you can do for them.
Have patience in their moments of crying, frustration, reality. Sometimes a hug, or an ear is all that is needed. Don’t smother them. They won’t like that.
Buy little cards and small gifts for them just to let them know you care.
Read how I died to the past and was reborn in There In The Midst at www.print2publish.com book store.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Healing Thoughts To Those Left Behind After Air France Crash
My heart goes out to those left behind after the Air France crash. Many have probably not recovered from the shock. Some may already feel angry and asking "why me."
No one knows why one air plane crashes and another lands on water and not one passenger suffers anything major.
We don't know. It is unexplainable. Even if there was an explanation, at this stage of grief no one would care because that friend or love one is no longer here.
There is an emptiness inside. The children miss their father or mommy. They're asking questions about their whereabouts.
If I could offer one solution it would be to those who can write to write out their feelings. It may feel uncomfortable at first but it will become easier.
There are things you can write that no one will understand. The paper won't judge you. It won't interrupt. It won't try to convince you it will be all right. It won't talk back to you. It will just allow you the freedom to express.
If you feel like laughing today as you reflect on those great memories, then laugh. It's okay. If you feel like crying, then cry. It's okay. If you feel like being angry, then be angry; let it out.
Keep the faith,
The sun will shine again another day, families of the Air France crash.
Would love to hear from you. Want to read something uplifting, visit www.heisamazing.blogspot.com or www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
No one knows why one air plane crashes and another lands on water and not one passenger suffers anything major.
We don't know. It is unexplainable. Even if there was an explanation, at this stage of grief no one would care because that friend or love one is no longer here.
There is an emptiness inside. The children miss their father or mommy. They're asking questions about their whereabouts.
If I could offer one solution it would be to those who can write to write out their feelings. It may feel uncomfortable at first but it will become easier.
There are things you can write that no one will understand. The paper won't judge you. It won't interrupt. It won't try to convince you it will be all right. It won't talk back to you. It will just allow you the freedom to express.
If you feel like laughing today as you reflect on those great memories, then laugh. It's okay. If you feel like crying, then cry. It's okay. If you feel like being angry, then be angry; let it out.
Keep the faith,
The sun will shine again another day, families of the Air France crash.
Would love to hear from you. Want to read something uplifting, visit www.heisamazing.blogspot.com or www.realstoriesrealpeople.blogspot.com
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